A Reason to Breathe
by the-ravenhaired-one
Summary: LJ, everyone needs a reason to breathe. one shot plus epilogue
1. Chapter 1

Hiya. To my usual readers, yes I know this isn't my usual style, but I've been going through some tough times at the moment. I originally wrote this just to get my own feelings out so I could sort through them, but now I've gotten a little better thought it would be ok to see what people thought.

A Reason to Breathe

She was falling. Slipping out of everyone's grasp. Dying inside. Losing to the darkness in her mind. Least that's what people would say if they knew, forever poetical as they were. Nobody noticed. Nobody cared. She was merely a shadow in their daily lives, someone getting in the way of everything.

Her self hatred was getting worse; her depression was taking her over, whispering enticing thoughts. She knew it, but the fight against it was waning. It didn't matter though - she didn't really care enough about anything any more.

Tonight she had had enough. Tonight she would listen and accept the truth. The teachers would be the ones to notice her gone, never her classmates, and even then they would worry about how the school would be seen, not why she had done it.

Slipping off the cold bed and past the sleeping forms of her classmates she silently walked down the stairs to the common room. Ignoring the sleeping bodies of Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew, who had once again fallen asleep while plotting a prank, she padded across to the entrance, not realising she had woken one of them.

Moving down the corridors, she deftly avoided Filch, Professor McGonagall and Peeves, finally arriving at her destination. The Astronomy Tower.

She had given this a lot of thought- why wouldn't you? If you were going to die, how would you do it? Using a knife or some weapon was way too messy; it left a lot for people to clean up afterwards. With hanging there was always the chance of it not working, the rope breaking. With poison that was also unpredictable. There was a chance of being found before you actually died, same as overdosing. But falling, it was almost poetic. Letting go of what you know, to be free. It was so easily done, so predictable. You just took the plunge and had only to wait mere seconds before everything, the pain, the problems, the hurt, the anguish, it all stopped.

Tonight would be the end of her torture in this place. Stepping on to the edge, she looked down. It was impossible to see the through the darkness even though dawn would be in an hour, but she knew what was down there. She had been here many times before, knowing that one day, when she had been through enough of this torment that was called life; she would be back one last time.

Spreading her arms and taking a deep breath, she was about to lean forwards when-

"What are you doing?" demanded a voice from behind her.

Not answering him, she asked coldly, "Why are you here?"

"I saw you leaving the dorm. Leaving the tower this late would mean you were up to no good. I wanted to be part of it. Of course, that was until I realised you were coming here and not going to pull a prank on one of the houses or teachers." He said, walking towards her slowly. "You never answered my question. Why are you here?"

"If I told you would you even mind? I have had enough of everything. This world is nothing, just as I am." She said simply.

"How can everything be nothing?" he said gently with a smile.

"This life is suffocating. Nobody will notice whether I'm there or not. What is the point of breathing when there is no reason to?"

"You do have a reason to breathe." He said, taking her hand. She jumped slightly and slid away from him, backing away. It was a trick; she knew it, to stop her disgracing the school.

"Oh please! I have no reason to be here! My only family member loathes me. My "friends" barely register I'm alive. I'm not worth the air I breathe. What reason could there possibly be?" she said, backing away from him, closer to the edge.

"Me, Lily." James said simply, holding out his hand for her to take it. "I don't know what I would do if you weren't there to give me a reason to breathe. Please, don't leave me."


	2. epilogue

At the time, she had been desperate. Looking for some faint light to show her the way, a bubble of oxygen deep underwater. She'd taken his hand. Of course she had. But the thing was it wasn't just because he had said he couldn't live without her. He hadn't just been a handy excuse to not jump. It was because she loved him too.

She still visited that place, you know. The one with the deadly drop. It was still there and occasionally she'd go up in the dead of the night and stare down at where her body was supposed to have lain that fateful night.

There were times when she still wanted to make the jump. Things didn't suddenly turn into happily ever after and she doubted there ever would be one. Life and especially love needs strength and constant effort to continue. It's a struggle, but without it you may as well be dead anyway.

She'd learnt a lot in the past year. You can't have high's without the low's, your appearance really doesn't matter as much as you think it does and people won't always be there for you. It doesn't mean they won't try to be, though.

Leaning on the edge she'd once stood upon, she watched the sun begin to rise.

"I thought you'd stopped coming up here," said a male voice from behind her. "You haven't been up here in months."

"I know. But this is a reminder." She smiled, turning towards him.

"For what?"

"That now, for the foreseeable future at least, that I too have a reason to breathe."


End file.
